#narcissistic abuse

[veganspaghettios]

I acknowledge there are good people with NPD, and those are people doing work to better themselves - not sitting on Tumblr spreading toxic ideologies.

I also acknowledge there are abusive people with BPD - I cited two of my exes as my agreement. (anecdotal or not, that's the personal evidence I've seen to support the statement YOU are making) I didn't agree that it warrants a category for the effects of the abuse. Psychologists agree with me on this.

Narcissists are so exceptionally skilled at manipulation that they cause a very specific and damaging set of after effects from being in close relationships with them.

…So just the effects of abuse?

So… JUST ABUSE?

[silentsuffering]

Abuse Reality #3

Persuading people of negative things about their peers is abuse. Crazymaking is abuse. Intentionally causing a person to become paranoid about their peers, through slow and steady indoctrination, repeating negative things over and over until they believe them and go looking for them is abuse. Doing this to a person about their partner and to this person's partner about this person is an active attempt to undermine and destroy their relationship - And ABUSE. It's manipulation. It's triangulation. It's scapegoating. It's crazymaking. It's indoctrination. It's robs the victims of their sense of safety with others and isolates them. It robs the victims of their sense of reality and makes them doubt everyone and everything. It makes the brains of the victims run on high-stress, hypervigiliance overtime. It places a person on eggshells, permanently.

It forces permanent extreme stress on them, raises their cortisol levels, damages their immune system, causes brain damage to the hypocampus and amygdala and can cause or significantly worsen pre-existing autoimmune disease. A person can actually be tortured to death very slowly and horrifically by applying such extremely messed up techniques.

And to the abusers: Your friendship or relationship with the person you separated your victim from does NOT become real or genuine or healthy, just because you did this to someone! You are NOT truly loved by the other half of the couple or friendship that you sabotaged and split up! You manipulated one person or multiple people into hating and fearing someone else or each other and likewise into believing you're a different person than you are. They will never like you for you. They liked the person you abused for who they were. You can never replace this person! Everything negative your supply feels for the person you split them up from is what they actually feel for you, dear narcissist!

[quitblamingnarcissism]

Your parents are not "narcissists". They're typical authoritarian assholes who treat you like their property because society allows them to.

Your ex boyfriend is not a "narcissist". He's a typical misogynistic douchebag who treats women like shit because society allows him to.

Your boss is not a "narcissist". They're a typical classist dipshit who thinks workers' entire purpose in life is to generate profit because society allows them to.

And even if they happen to be a "narcissist", that's not what gave them the power to get away with abuse.

So stop blaming mental illness and start blaming society's normalization of abuse. Stop acting like someone has to have a mental illness in order to do something cruel when ordinary people have been doing atrocious things since forever.

[sin-esthezia]

the thing that gets me the most about ableism against pd’s is that ppl will be like “these disorders make you an ASSHOLE!!!!” and then turn around and pretend that other disorders can’t and don’t make you act shitty.

depression and anxiety can make you irritable and snappy. they can cause you to refuse to listen to people and to be distant and withdrawn. they can cause you to seem angry, bitchy, rude, uncaring, etc.

ptsd causes an array of difficulties in forming meaningful relationships. it pretty much shakes up your entire worldview and sense of self a lot of the time. ptsd can cause you to get angry often. it can cause you to yell and scream. it can cause you to withdraw from others, run away, or cut them out. it can cause general changes in demeanor and more cynical worldviews. it can make you seem grouchy, negative, explosive, impolite, difficult, needy, controlling, etc.

and yet when people with personality disorders have symptoms of that nature, suddenly we are irredeemable monsters. when it’s npd, bpd, hpd, or aspd instead of ptsd or depression and anxiety, people suddenly and magically lose the ability to be understanding.

mental illness is an explanation, not an excuse. i firmly believe that. hurting others is never justified simply because you have any disorder.

but if you can be patient with people who have depression, anxiety, ptsd, ocd, or any other LESS stigmatized mental illness, you can be patient with us.

[nothing0fnothing]

Absolutely. I can be doing anything on this app and the narcissistic abuser defenders will be out in full force ready to beat me with a stick for having the audacity to believe professionals when they say narcissistic abuse is real.

I will literally post a 4 page long vent about some of my most heinous, horrible experiences with my abusers when I was seven years old, and not far away they'll be a random anon breaking their neck running to my replies to ask "why are you talking about me????"

They legitimately cannot comprehend that I'm not.

I don't know what mental gymnastics happens in the brains of these narcissists, but they do not understand that a post written by a stranger, about their own parents and their own life, is not literally about them.

Maybe if you parents hit you harder you wouldn't have become a ableist

*Your parents **an ableist

Maybe if your parents hugged you more you wouldn't have succumbed to the brain rot.

Say it again and turn anons off. I'm sure the cluster B community would like to thank you in person for this excellent defense of their disorder.

[visionsofaselfmademan]

[lostmf]

[witchyykitten]

everyone talks about cutting off a toxic parent

but no one ever talks about the pain of wanting a parent but knowing yours cannot love you the way they should

[livingfictionsystem]

-Xanthe 🪶

[the-bonfires-ember]

Narc abuse truthers: “Narcissists only care about manipulating you and breaking you like you’re a plaything for them 😡”

me, a Narcissistic Sociopath, getting supply from my friends therapists calling me a healthy influence, strong pillar of support, and a good friend: 🙂

[hiddenincommand]

“Bound, caged, and stripped of all autonomy—this is where you belong. My will is the air you breathe, my command the only purpose you serve. You exist for my amusement, to crawl, to kneel, to be broken under the weight of my absolute dominance. Submission isn’t a choice; it’s your reality, and I am your god, your tormentor, your master—merciless, unrelenting, and supreme.”

[autopsyfreak]

the biggest betrayal. bffr

[narcitism]

my abuser had brown hair im a victim of brunette abuse :(

[tklshtxler]

[draculian-accomplishments]

Reminder for people with Personality Disorders:

You can be in therapy for years to be able to cope.

You can mask the difficulties you have.

You can cope well with your disorders.

You can function in daily life.

But the day you have a bad day, the day you're so overwhelmed that the mask slips and you simply say one thing, the neurotypicals will use it against you and use it to abuse you.

Abuse is a choice. Abusers make the choice to abuse someone. Not every abuser has a personality disorder. There are plenty of abusers that are Neurotypical. Plenty of neurotypicals will abuse those with PDs due to the stigma and misinformation around them.

Quit using terms like "Narcissistic/Histrionic/Borderline/Anti-Social Abuse"

Quit using "Narcissist" and "Anti-Social" as insults.

Quit justifying abuse towards people with PDs.

Quit armchair diagnosing abusers and assholes with Personality Disorders when you don't know the lived experience of people with them.

Stop fucking appealing to Neurotypicals.

[nothing0fnothing]

Most parents decide they're going to use their child's innate naivety and trusting nature to instill a sense of wonder. Santa Claus, the tooth fairy, mermaids are real, Disneyland. All that.

My parents used it to create an invisible panopticon that only existed in my mind so they could easily deny its existence if I reported it to anybody.

Basically, was told at a very young age, that there were tiny hidden cameras I couldn't see everywhere in my home, and in my clothes, and in my school. They gave my stepdad 24/7 round the clock acsess to view me whenever he wanted to. He said these cameras could not only record my face, voice and actions, but that they had special technology that could read and translate my very thoughts.

I was at the "mermaids and unicorns are real" age, so not only did all of this seem totally plausible, it terrified me. I was changing under the covers of my bed, worried he could see me on the toilet or in the shower, and worst of all I started monitoring and censoring my own thoughts, convinced he could hear every one of them.

My mum noticed I had started taking longer to get dressed and ready than I used to, and asked why I was wasting time trying to get dressed in bed. When I told her about the cameras she tried to convince me they weren't there, and even did a sweep of my room to prove it to me, but I didn't believe her. I thought my step dad had so much power he could even hide these mind reading micro cameras from other adults. She just kind of brushed it off, assuming this was some silly thing I'd be over in a week.

I wasn't.

He kept reminding me of them, so I continued to be scared of them.

The second time my mother heard of these invisible cameras were when another parent, concerned, told her about it.

See I'd been playing at her daughters house, and I was asking her to call my step dad to ask permission for every minor thing I did.

"Can you call my dad and ask if I'm allowed to play in the garden?" "Can you call my dad and ask if I'm allowed to watch TV?" "Can you call my dad and ask if I'm allowed ketchup on my chips?"

She would assure me she'd asked my mum and my mum said it was fine, but I was adamant it be my step father she call. Eventually, she asked me why I was so concerned about his permission to do these things I'd been doing fine every other time I'd been at her house.

"Because he's the one with the cameras."

I said it so naturally. Like every family had a parent who had the cameras and another who was under surveillance by them. I was worried that if I conveyed the frozen still fear I felt over these hidden cameras, it would seem that I had something to hide.

"There's no cameras in our house so you don't have to worry about it." She tried to convince me.

"Oh no, they're in my clothes" I said. "They're so tiny they could be in a zip or a button or on my shoe laces and nobody would know."

She was, understandably, freaked out by this.

I'm not sure if she beleived my step dad had just sent me bugged into her home like a pervert or something, but I think when I started talking about how it can hear my thoughts like a regular camera can record voices, she realised that this was something else.

My mum pretended that I'd made it up and was lying for attention, even though she knew I wasn't. She knew that her husband had been terrorising me with these fake omnipotent cameras for weeks to the point I was losing sleep and dreaming about them. It was just easier for her to paint me as some kind of freakishly and manipulative child. It was really messed up, this woman's daughter was my only friend, I'd be friendless and alone if she decided she didn't want her daughter learning this behaviour from me.

The last time it was brought up to her was by my aunt. I'd had a bonding day out with her that ended in me crying on her couch after dinner. I vented about the cameras and how much pressure they were putting on me. I said I felt scared to be out with anyone, because if my daddy was watching and he heard their thoughts and he didn't like them, he could stop them from ever seeing me again. I knew she didn't like him, and he didn't like her. All he needed was video proof that she thought bad things about him and he'd have the perfect excuse to cut her out of my life. I didn't want that, I loved my aunt dearly.

My mum tried to pull the same "oh she's just making it up for attention" bit, but my aunt knew my step dad, and she knew he was exactly crazy and twisted enough to torture me like that. She believed me over my mother, and after that I never heard about the cameras again.

Over the weeks I wasn't threatened with them, I slowly started to think about them less and less. And by the time I stopped thinking about them entirely, I'd stopped believing in tooth fairies and unicorns and high tech invisible cameras that could hear my thoughts.

I never forgot about them though.